tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-41806107300603906632024-03-12T23:25:15.443-05:00The PunsultancyA blog about puns.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-90566118588749697932009-06-12T09:34:00.003-05:002009-06-12T09:37:43.512-05:00Twitter Pun Storm: Swine Flu EditionWith the resurgence of the Swine Flu, I feel it is once again relevant to share the Twitter Pun Storm:<br /><br />The following puns were made one morning on the popular social networking website <a href="http://twitter.com">Twitter.com</a>.<br /><br />I was inspired by the depth of pun material in the term "Swine Flu" that I produced the following:<br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"></span></span><blockquote><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1659306946">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/doughamlin">doughamlin</a> *cough* *cough* *swirl* *smell* *sip* #wineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1659621830">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/doniree">doniree</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/doughamlin">doughamlin</a> or, you know, *cough* *cough* *pickles!* #brineflue</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1659744824">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">*oink* *oink* *smoke* *smoke* #swineflue</span></span><br /><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1659777687">punsultant</a> George Bush was a great president! #swineflew</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1659891125">punsultant</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> *cough* *cough* *forest* #pineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660039954">punsultant </a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/doniree">doniree</a> my back is coughing! #spineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660067979">punsultant</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> I stepped on this device and all of the sudden I started coughing #mineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660088520">punsultant</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> I think my fork is sick. #tineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660113440">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">as I've been waiting here at the bank I've developed a cough and a fever. #lineflue</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660117530">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">OR my cough and fever only exist between two points #lineflu<br /><br /></span></span>@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660178247">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">I am sick as an objectivist. #aynflu</span></span><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><br /></span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660240989">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/MHMorgan">MHMorgan</a> if I do work I might get #tryin'flu.<br /><br /></span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660225757">punsultant</a></span></span> your lady doctor is sick #gyn'flu<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><br /><br /></span></span>@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660292598">punsultant</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">I am sick, but only when I'm lying on my back #supineflu<br /><br /></span></span></blockquote>Which, in turn, inspired many others to make Swine Flu puns of their own:<br /><br /><blockquote>@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/maxsparber/status/1660373158">maxsparber</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">Argh, I be struggling to catch me breath in the salty deep! #brineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/maxsparber/status/1660126929">maxsparber</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1660113440">punsultant</a> Funny, I had the same experience waiting to get pork in England #swinequeue</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/eigenman/status/1660891574">eigenman</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/zwjohnson">zwjohnson</a> I feel awful with this illness... I think I'm going to go lie on my back #supineflu</span></span><br /><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@</span></span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/eigenman/status/1661077104">eigenman</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant/status/1661037201">punsultant</a> fuck I must have missed it while I was sacking Halicarnassus #rapineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/eigenman/status/1660981745">eigenman</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/julielyda">julielyda</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/zwjohnson">zwjohnson</a> but I do so enjoy upsetting you Julie! #malignflu command it in #()flu form and I'll stop :D<br /><br /></span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/eigenman/status/1660897568">eigenman</a></span></span> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/zwjohnson">zwjohnson</a> MUCH better #anodineflu</span></span><br /><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@</span></span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/briannepitt/status/1660669809">briannepitt</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> @<a href="http://twitter.com/doniree">doniree</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> *sniffle* I can't even afford medication... #declinedflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/doniree/status/1660358220">doniree</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/briannepitt">briannepitt</a> *cough* *cough* *moooooooo* #bovineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/briannepitt/status/1660352021">briannepitt</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/doniree">doniree</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> "Bueller... Bueller..." #Steinflu</span></span>3<br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/doniree/status/1660287901">doniree</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/briannepitt">briannepitt</a> *cough* *cough* *meow* *purr* #felineflu</span><span class="meta entry-meta"><a href="http://twitter.com/doniree/status/1660287901" class="entry-date" rel="bookmark"><span class="published"></span></a></span></span><br /><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/briannepitt/status/1660276243">briannepitt</a></span></span> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> *cough* *grumble* *gripe* *sneeze* *exaggerated sigh* #whineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/doniree/status/1660212401">doniree</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> I'm a poet and didn't know it #rhymeflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/zwjohnson/status/1660097434">zwjohnson</a><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> it's not your fork, it's your food! #dineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/chessie/status/1660154106">chessie</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> i got sick because i returned my library books late #fineflu ?</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/zwjohnson/status/1660048660">zwjohnson</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/eigenman">eigenman</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> I actually feel pretty good #fineflu</span></span><br /><br /><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/doniree/status/1659996347">doniree</a> @<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> *cough* *cough* *river* *europe* #rhineflu</span></span><br /><br />@<a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://twitter.com/eigenman/status/1659916519">eigenman</a> <span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">@<a href="http://twitter.com/punsultant">punsultant</a> oh JESUS my hypothalamus just threw up #endocrineflu<br /></span></span></blockquote><br />I'm sure some swine flu puns have slipped through the cracks. Although, I'm sure you're already pretty full up on your swine flu pun quota for today.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-33154107189994305342009-06-11T10:35:00.005-05:002009-06-11T10:48:48.826-05:00Found Pun: What I SawFrom my good friend Adam, I present to you what he doodled in a boring meeting:<br /><br /><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; width: 350px; height: 209px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_xrUNM_4PLRg/SjEkbVAfoDI/AAAAAAAAAAk/j5N5C9yIoKM/s400/whatisaw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5346094284579774514" border="0" />The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-46106863656955980902009-06-10T10:42:00.001-05:002009-06-10T10:44:06.775-05:00EggsWhat do you call a bunch of eggs that resist being eaten?<br /><br />An ohmlette. <span style="visibility: visible;" id="main"><span style="visibility: visible;" id="search"> </span></span>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-9010902354869529062009-06-01T15:10:00.001-05:002009-06-01T15:14:35.085-05:00Found Pun: ResistanceAnd one more physics puns for today. Here's one I read on a plaque in a high school one time:<br /><br />Resistance: it starts at ohm.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-64109493055553243002009-06-01T15:00:00.001-05:002009-06-01T15:10:31.702-05:00Found Pun: ElectronKeeping with an atomic pun theme today, <span dir="ltr" id=":uj">I present to you a pun my friend Derek shared with me.<br /><br /><br />One atom says to another, "Dude, I think I just lost an electron!" The other atom responds, "What? Are you sure?!" To which the first atom says, "Yeah, man, I'm positive!"</span>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-76271948152008055092009-06-01T14:30:00.000-05:002009-06-01T14:40:36.018-05:00Found Pun: Neutron<span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">I've been telling this joke to every science major I know for the past week. I came across it on the Twitter joke feed @<a href="http://twitter.com/comictwit">ComicTwit</a>, which is a pretty good source for puns.<br /><br /><br />A neutron went into a bar and asked the bartender, "How much for a beer? "The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."</span><span class="meta entry-meta"><a href="http://twitter.com/ComicTwit/status/1925448373" class="entry-date" rel="bookmark"><span class="published"></span></a></span></span>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-38567495703230609112009-05-28T10:58:00.000-05:002009-05-28T11:01:42.862-05:00Found Pun: Typographical Pun<div style="text-align: center;"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_xrUNM_4PLRg/Sh61KvGCc5I/AAAAAAAAAAc/rep7M33eBl4/s400/serif.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340905404153099154" border="0" /></div>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-21986804307311237702009-05-26T12:44:00.003-05:002009-05-26T12:48:30.621-05:00And do we saw such andouille sausage?<div style="text-align: center;"><br /><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 313px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xrUNM_4PLRg/ShwqjmyNxwI/AAAAAAAAAAU/aJcHVu7HShI/s400/sawsuch.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5340190049349519106" border="0" /><br /></div>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-82911470281433594612009-05-26T12:28:00.002-05:002009-05-26T13:07:28.681-05:00Found Pun: Fish<a href="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/"><img style="width: 400px; height: 345px;" alt="www.toothpastefordinner.com" src="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/021609/did-you-hear-my-show.gif" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/">www.toothpastefordinner.com</a>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-68923549597867987162009-05-25T11:55:00.000-05:002009-05-25T11:56:06.827-05:00An Unusual Drink OptionWhen you order many small samples of beers or scotches or wines with the intention of sampling a wide variety, that is called a "flight." Scotch flight, beer flight, etc. Usually there will be a theme, like a Highlands flight for scotch, or an import flight for beer.<br/><br/>Well, evidently at Jake's Sports Cafe in Plymouth, you can have all the white people move out of your neighborhood:<br/><br/><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-130" title="whiteflight" src="http://heylookitsart.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/whiteflight.jpg" alt="whiteflight" width="450" height="337" />The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-4091475521869874482009-05-22T12:45:00.000-05:002009-05-22T13:27:11.355-05:00While Steeping Tea"I sure would hate to ride my bike up this process"The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-7064609244983263232009-05-22T08:45:00.000-05:002009-05-22T08:45:06.653-05:00Found Pun: Pun StoresSome day, I will have this level of dedication. Someone searched high and low to come up with 50 examples of stores with some wonderfully punny names: <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.bspcn.com/2008/06/07/the-50-best-pun-stores/">The 50 Best Pun Stores</a>.<br /><br />The Punsultant's Choices of this lot are:<br /><ol><li>Marquis de Salade.</li><li>Planet of the Grapes</li><li>Cane and Able</li><li>Nin/Com/Soup</li></ol>Of course, the best local example from the Twin Cities is the legendary karaoke bar and frequent Punsultant hangout, <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.myspace.com/uotterstopinn">U Otter Stop Inn</a>.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-42231883720267513322009-05-21T16:00:00.000-05:002009-05-21T16:08:36.524-05:00Dorothy Parker on HorticultureWhen a reporter asked Dorothy Parker to use "horticulture" in a sentence, she replied:<br /><br /><span class="sqq"></span><blockquote><span class="sqq">You can drag a horticulture, but you can't make her think.</span></blockquote>The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-71259334470653896602009-05-21T10:00:00.000-05:002009-05-21T10:00:00.312-05:00My Favorite JokeA pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, "You know, you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants. The pirate says, "Yarr! It's driving me nuts!"The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-85473464538726278442009-05-20T14:41:00.000-05:002009-05-20T22:30:23.708-05:00Found Pun: AsphaltI did a search for "classic puns" on Google, and the first hit was a gather.com page featuring <a href="http://www.gather.com/viewArticle.jsp?articleId=281474977432704">a list of puns</a>. Most notably:<br /><br /><blockquote>A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."<br /></blockquote><br />As is common with the internet, many of the jokes here are called puns but aren't actually puns. (For example: “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It’s Not Unusual." A good joke, but not a pun.)<br /><br />BUT, regardless, a quality list with some classic groaners.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4180610730060390663.post-46121588931390156232009-05-20T08:59:00.000-05:002009-05-20T12:21:07.153-05:00The Punsultancy Unvailed<center><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_xrUNM_4PLRg/ShQ61ukVBdI/AAAAAAAAAAM/yWs5jslq3cg/s320/Vail_CO.png" alt="" /><br /></center><br /><br />Welcome to the Punsultancy. This is a place for puns.The Punsultanthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01621167964023895835noreply@blogger.com2